Pop open the champagne!

That’s it. Another year ends. 365 days done. 365 sunrises and sunsets. Breakfasts and meals.

I had some major plans for myself this year. Let me tell you, I didn’t come anywhere close it. I am not talking about the regular resolutions. I don’t believe in new year resolutions. If I need to change something, I need to better myself, I will start it right now. If I am in a mood for procrastination, then I will start it tomorrow. That’s how much I can delay things. That’s my degree of laziness.

So, back to resolutions. Why do we make them? Why the, “From this year I will start saving up” or “From Monday I will start eating healthy”? Why not start saving up right now? Why not keep aside that bowl of biryani and pick a sandwich for lunch?

 I know it’s not easy. But it isn’t impossible either. Everyone is made differently. Some have a greater will power than the others. The key word being “greater”. It doesn’t mean that the other person lacks it completely. He has to just go through a little more struggle than others. Doesn’t that make the achievement even more special? Doesn’t this now become greater than the strong willed guy’s feat?

I have a friend. He just doesn’t sleep on time ever. I mean ever. Forget the nights he is working or socializing. Even if there is nothing to do, he would still find an excuse to stay up late in the night. And, unfortunately for him, he is someone who can’t function very well with lack of sleep. So, he would wake up late the next day and there, half the day gone. Now, I am someone who can make do with even a couple of hours of sleep.

 So, whenever we would stay out late in the night and I would crib about having to be at work the next day, I would get a “Oh come on! Why do you have to worry? You can easily manage it.” That’s not true. I can make do with less sleep. But, that doesn’t mean it’s easy. I am tired by mid-day and my productivity goes down. At the same time, if this friend wakes up early in the morning, I am mighty surprised and borderline proud too. We both are struggling but his struggle seems real. Even to me.

He has been talking about getting into the “good habit” of sleeping on time for years. Every time the topic comes up; he agrees that he has to do it. Hasn’t happened. And, I don’t know if and when it will. (I really hope it does though)

We avoid a lot of things. Going to the gym, starting a diet, telling someone we love them, telling someone we hate them, apologize, start a difficult task. Even when certain things are crucial to our future.

Why do we all, do this? Knowing that something isn’t good or right, knowing there is something much better, we hang on to the same old things. Is it the comfort of the known or the fear of the unknown? Is it just about habits? Is it the fear of taking an action which would be unpleasant or even cause us some pain?

But, can’t this pain become our guide? Last year I had lost a lot of weight. Yes. I had become skinnier than I am right now. I knew it. I could see it. I had to stop being wrapped up in whatever I was wrapped up in and take a conscious effort to start eating well again. But, it was so easy to not care. My body had become used to the bird sized portions and it took a lot of effort to even force another morsel down.  But, the jokes, the taunts and the comments started becoming difficult to deal with. The final stab being, when a good friend, I was meeting after a long time, joked that he got injured by my pokey bones while giving me a hug. That hurt. A lot. But this pain helped me wake up and finally work towards getting healthier. It took months to put on a meager kilogram. I still am too skinny by most people’s standards. (Not like I care about other’s opinions about my body much anymore. We will talk about skinny shaming some other day.) But, I am on that path. Every meal, a conscious effort to be healthy.

Procrastinators are not born. They are made. And, whatever is made can be unmade too. So, stop lying to yourself saying, “I will be better equipped to deal with this tomorrow.” Stop looking for distractions. Stop checking your Instagram account in the middle of writing that report. Stop being scared of failures. Stop making resolutions you won’t keep. Stop waiting for tomorrow.

Today. It’s all about today.

So, pop open the champagne and apply for that job.

So, pop open that champagne and book that solo trip.

So, pop open the champagne and ask that cute guy/girl out for a coffee.

So, pop open that champagne and hug your friend hard and tell them you love them.

Just pop open the champagne.

Today.

Text me not

“Did I say too much?"

“Did I say too little?"

“OMG! Should I have used a smiley? Now, he/she might think I was being serious!”

“I know he/she has read it, why won’t he/she respond to me?”

“I never want to talk to them. Aaarghh why did I respond to them in the group?!! Now they’ll think I am trying to make a conversation.”

“Let them! I have to put up a show for the other group members. If I don’t say anything, they are going to ask me what’s wrong.”

Read, read, re read, decode, overanalyze and lose your sleep.

Lose your sleep, lose your mind and text something stupid and make things worse.

Life was so much simpler before texting came in. Simpler with respect to relationships. More often than not, you made friends, lost friendships, found your love, broke up with them, in person. Not in a one liner as a text message.

Don’t get me wrong. I am glad texting is available, especially with WhatsApp. You can leave a message when it’s not urgent, have a conversation over a period of days, and chat with multiple people together, what with the million groups we all are in. But when, this becomes a basis of almost every relationship, it’s time to get worried.

I resisted texting for a long time. I disliked it. The jokes and forwards seemed like a waste of time and I hated waiting for a response. I would rather pick up the phone and have a quick conversation. But, I finally gave in. Everyone was on it. It was and is the cheapest/free mode of communication, given you are in a wifi zone.

This was during the same time I made a lot of new friends, so it was the perfect way to know each other. You aren’t at the comfort level to call each other, so a “Wassup?” was ideal to start a conversation.  There were times when I would be simultaneously having conversations with multiple people on groups and in private chats. There were days when I just did this. Chat. Chat. And chat some more.

But like any other vice, I got bored of this. A major change/upheaval in my personal life helped in accelerating it.  I even blocked my last seen and read notifications. I didn't want to see who was ignoring me and I didn't want people to know that they weren't my priority. Now, I use it, when I have to. And so now, I am on the outside, looking at all the people so hooked on to it.  People, I termed the WhatsApp generation in my earlier post.

Relationships were made and lost in a few text messages.  People fell in love and found their soul mates over texts. People swore their undying loyalty to friends over texts. And, IRL? In real life, it was nothing close to that. Love disappeared over the first disagreement and friendships broke the moment the first hurdle came across.

Why is this the way it is? This is my understanding of it. My observations based on my own personal experiences. 

Saying what you want to, through texts has a sense of detachment to it. It’s much easier. It can induce a false sense of reality. You, sitting with your phone, with your thoughts, in your own head. There isn’t one external factor, not one bit of the real world showing you what the truth is or can be. Easy to let your emotions take hold of you and say what you would never say otherwise.

Typing, “I am there for you. You are one of my closest friends” is very different from actually being there next to that person, holding their hand and saying the same. So, you say this and a ton of bullshit and announce to the world that you are BFFs. Hello life!! Problem walks in through the door and you walk out. Actually you don’t walk out, because you were actually never ever even there! You make a new bunch of friends or find a new lover and send the same texts to them now.

This is me ranting here about this. The WhatsApp generation actually doesn’t mind it all. They thrive like a weed in a field of placid posies. They love this state of transient relationships.  Makes me wonder, do they have a repository of statements which can be switched from one recipient to the other? The, “You are my bestie”, “You really mean a lot to me”, “I haven’t met someone like you”, come and go. They are passed around quicker than a bottle of crown.  Screenshots from private chats are passed on to other people. They were discussed in a private chat for a reason. How is it so easy for someone to just share it with others, breaking the sender’s trust? Then again, the sender is probably sending your side of conversation to their bunch of friends.

Even arguments and misunderstandings have to be resolved over texting. Texting being the reason for the misunderstanding. What happened to good old, sit down and talk it through?

I am just too old for this. My head reels just thinking about it all. I type what I mean. So, I am left confused with all the, “That was just a joke.” “That’s how you say it.” Which parts are jokes and which are real? I have been thinking that I would filter my future influx of friends based on their age. Only people above 30 get a chance. Hoping that they too grew up with real relationships and not with the ones their phones have. People I would be able to sit and have a conversation with and not just send midnight texts. If you are below 30 and can do this.. Hello you!

If you are one of these addicted people and you have old boring friends/partners like me and you don’t want to confuse them, just follow these simple instructions. If they need help, don’t text “I am there for you, always”, get your ass moving and be there. If you are tempted to proclaim your love. Don’t text “I love you” or “LU.” (How lazy can u get?!!!)  Imagine they are standing right in front of you and you are looking into their eyes and saying it out loud. Using real words. Don’t have the balls for it? Then don’t text! Simple!!

And, if you are my friend and want to catch up with me, please meet me for dinner or a coffee where we can talk like humans were meant to. If you are busy, call me and I would love to hear your voice. But, if you can't or won't do either of this ever, then please. Text me not.

Age is not just a number

I recently saw a video shared on a social networking site, where two women fight over the same seat at a theater/auditorium. A boy sitting nearby suggests the older one of them could sit down. They both start being extremely considerate to each other refusing the seat. The joke being, a woman would never want to share her age or accept that she is old(er)

I never understood this. What’s the big deal about one’s age? It is what it is. You could be hesitant to share the other details of your life, but what is wrong with being as old as you are? It’s not something you can or could have controlled. You were born when you were. I get annoyed when people start the question of asking my age with, “I know it’s rude, please don’t mind…” Frankly, if you know it’s rude, why are you doing it? But, I don’t care about saying it out aloud.

 I AM 33 YEARS OLD!!! BIG EFFING DEAL!!

Behold! I said it and did not drop dead!

Honestly, I am happy to be in my 30s. You still have the youthful excitement with a bucket load of maturity and some financial freedom. You have a clearer picture of where you are going. Clearer… not know for sure. This picture would remain hazy for life, and you would know you are doing something right if it gets clearer year after year and you don’t mind the image. Also, hopefully you have your set of friends you are the most comfortable with. This more often than not, would be people close to your age group.

It’s not that people of the same age have a specific, secret language which no one else can understand. It’s more to do with shared experiences and milestones in life. A bunch of friends from college are still very good friends of ours. My husband, I and all of them studied in the same college. All, except one, even from the same class. We all got married around the same time and had kids around the same time too. We shared common grounds whether we spoke about college, ex classmates, teachers, drinking; to life after marriage, in laws, extended families to pregnancies, diaper changes, breast feeding to schooling, child development and vacations.

Another fun group of friends are, us some moms from my son's class. We all have found our common interests which has made us all good friends but its our kids who brought us together. 

It’s easier to bond with people who know where you are coming from and know what it is to live the life you are living. Like the various support groups, for people battling addictions or trauma. And, what are friends, if not your support group? But, the same age or not, everyone is not exactly the same.  Even if they had the same/similar experiences people will have different levels of maturity and understanding of different situations.

Once, an erstwhile friend who I had considered to be wise and smart beyond his years, after an argument, had called me loving, selfless and mature. And no. It didn’t sound like a praise. I am still confused.

Even people of the same age and group sometimes start being left out of a circle because they are not at the same milestones as the others. This is not intentional. The singles get tired of the love sick newly dating or married or weirded out of the nappy rash and breast feeding woes. But, at the same time, we need a break from conversations which are a part of our daily lives.

I was completely homebound for almost 3 years during pregnancy and post childbirth. When I could finally get out again, I wanted to dress up, head out, have a drink and a meal. But, this wasn’t possible because all my other friends were also busy with their babies. Everyone didn’t have the luxury I had, of leaving them home with someone. Fortunately for me, at the same time, I reconnected with an old friend and then to another bunch of people. They were some absolute fun times. Carefree parties and people just hanging out, not talking about anything specific. This was a big break for me. Refreshing that I didn’t have to talk about kids or home.

A few of these friends were much younger than me. Nevertheless, they became a big part of my life. And thanks to them, I was introduced to some new genres of music, some weird videos, phrases etc etc. Hanging out with them, watching them compliment or comment on other’s appearances, I realized I didn’t know and hadn’t cared about make up or fashion much. Finally I learnt to put eyeliner at 31!!! My sister had been trying to teach me for years, but I was finally motivated now. I still suck at it, but usually its dark and people can’t tell.

At the same time, this relationship was extremely chaotic. I never understood why it was so difficult with these people. I have never had such complicated relationships with friends before. Now, I know. We were just not at the same level of understanding. Things I found not worth a second thought were a matter of pride and ego for them. Things which according to me were a matter of principle, were just “Deepika overreacting” for them. I am sure I was a bit like them when I was their age. But, that's the beauty of growing up. What's the point of getting older if you can't brush off or laugh away certain behaviors and reactions of yourselves, a few years down the lane? 

There was this someone I noticed for a while, almost a decade younger than me.  I had to constantly remind myself that, so that I don't snap at them. Sometimes, my patience running threadbare. I noticed an exaggerated sense of self-worth, no hesitation when it came to self-praise, hypocrisy in dealing with people, quick and ever ready to criticize and comment. Above all, intense tantrum throwing sessions with parents. The first time I saw that, I knew that if my son ever even uttered a single word like that, I would break his teeth. And, I haven’t hit my child ever.

I pushed this behavior aside to being a part and parcel of being young. But then, it got me wondering. I don’t remember doing any of that when I was that young. Of course I threw fits when I was a teenager, my parents ‘can tell you. I was a horrendous teenager. But not when I was much older. When I was at the same age as this person, I had finished my masters, was working, living by myself, and had saved up enough for my wedding, so my parents didn’t have to lose their life savings.( Still, they almost did. Topic for another post) Let’s not think that I have a heightened sense of self-worth. Far from it. I thought back about all my friends. No one was like that. Which forced me to think if it was not just about age but also about the generation you were born in.

The people in their 20s now, I call them the Whatsapp generation. Everything is just like the conversations on this app. Relationships, feelings, principles and beliefs. Quick to start and end. Ever changing. Looking for just instant gratification and a momentary sense of being right and happy. Romantic relationships or friendships and in some cases even professionally. There isn’t a general sense of wanting to have a balanced life. Keeping all that you care for, with you, around you.

X makes me happy, so I will just stick to X. <3 <3

Y came in and I prefer Y over X, so time to forget about X’s existence. ;)

OMG!! Z is here!! ROFLMAO!! I adore u!! WTF is Y?!! :* :*

It sometimes makes me question their integrity. It’s beyond me that you can’t stand someone, but would go out for movies alone with them. But then, call and crib about the whole thing only to go out for dinner the next day. Is it because, it’s all about what you want? You want someone to hang out with, so whoever is available should make do. Because it’s about you feeling happy, then and there. The kind of people you are with is of little importance? If that's the case, stop bitching. Just do what you want and have fun!

I am not saying each and every one of them is the same. I know some incredible people, much younger than me but so mature. Serious with their work, they respect relationships, people and life. There are so many of them I can talk about. One of them, part of the same circle, but so much more relaxed. Professional but knows to have fun and let go. Another, has been a rock to me, no questions asked, just been there.

And, my favourite person ever, Tanay. (He doesn’t mind being mentioned here. :D) So sorted and smart. Another pillar of my strength, he doesn’t pretend to know and understand everything. But, he empathizes. If he can’t, he just laughs. Isn’t that’s what being friends means? You be there, you lighten up the mood when needed and just have fun.

I am not here to solve the mystery of why some people are so poles apart than the other. There are various factors which make us what we are. But, we can’t deny that age is a big one.  

Age is not just a number. It is a treasure chest of experiences, mistakes and learnings, memories and stories, people lost and found. So, embrace it. Be proud of all that you have learnt and all that you are going to. I might not know to differentiate deep house from electro house but I know the difference between death metal and Gothic metal, and I know if a song is right for salsa or cha cha. And, this is just a tiny percentage of what this 33 year old knows.