I wish I was a boy.
The thought which stayed with me throughout my growing
years. I wanted to be able to wear what I wanted, sit however I wanted, go out
when I wanted, hated that my bra strap or lines showed (Hadn’t been introduced
to seamless yet) and of course, hated getting my periods.
I am extremely lucky to have very supportive parents.
Despite some of their weird, old fashioned hang ups, they were and are one of
the most progressive people in their family. Education came first. My dad
fought with his family everytime they wanted to doll me up and I didn’t. They
didn’t believe marriage was the end all for a girl’s life. So all in all, I
lived a pretty good and comfortable life.
I grew up with the idea that I could have it all. Nobody
ever said that to me exactly but, the independence and strength inculcated in
me made me believe that. As a young girl, I never thought about getting married
or having a family. I always imagined myself to be professionally successful,
living a very interesting, busy and fun life. (Little do we know)
The reminder that I was of the fairer sex came pretty early
in life. If I scored high, it was because I was a girl and by virtue of that
automatically pretty (No argument there) and so the teacher likes me more. The
conversations about which guy liked me were more interesting to everyone than
my achievements. Going to school or tuitions were stressful because of the
“line of suitors” (so they thought) This is not a funny topic. Eve teasing can
become quite ugly sometimes. Some of the experiences I or my friends went
through were quite dreadful. Me being me, fought back, each time. And then, I
was reminded that I was a girl and I should be careful and not try to take
these guys on. Ermmm. Excuse me? So, are you saying I should let them harass
me?
I was forced to learn to cook when I was 12, because my mom
would go to work and I had to learn the basics in case of any emergencies. I
wonder if my mom would have forced me if I was a boy. Well, now I am glad she
did. I love cooking. I was sent to dancing classes (another thing I love) but
why not some sport?
When I became a mom, I stayed home almost doing nothing for a
couple of years. I was frustrated and couldn’t wait to get out, but I had my
son, who was still completely dependent on me and I had nobody to depend on. My
husband would work for long hours and was barely around. With an extremely
colicky baby I spent months of my life staying up all night. Everyone talked
about the poor man who has to work so hard. Now, when my son is 5 and not that
dependent on me and I being at a responsible position in a company work long
hours, I am selfish. Not a good mom because I am not around for my child.
When a man goes on a vacation, he needs it and deserves it.
When a woman does, there has to be something wrong with her. How can she not
want to be with her family? A man needs his weekly night out with his buddies
after those long hours at work. A woman… she has been spending so much time at
work, why would she want to go out again?
When a man puts in an effort to look good, he is
metrosexual/ubersexual or whatever sexual you call it nowadays. If a woman
does, she wants attention. If a man, doesn’t care about how he looks, he is too
cool. A woman…. Just plain shabby.
If you are a working mother, you are probably borderline
self-centered. If you are a stay at home, you don’t have any ambitions in life.
You just can’t catch a break!
The examples are endless. For all the women in the world. You
know what I mean? It’s not about whether you are from a progressive society or
not. This is not about being able to wear a bikini. This is not just about
gender bias. This is also pure biology.
So, I cribbed about all the things I thought and felt were
unfair to women. Most of them are. But, the truth is also that we are a bundle
of hormones. I hated being caged in my house, all alone, taking care of my
child. But, if I could go back, I wouldn’t change a thing. Except for the fact
that, I should calm down and remember that sometimes babies just cry. I would
still want to be home, be the first one to notice all his milestones, stay up
all night nursing him. No promotions or hikes could make me give up that.
I feel guilty for being at work. Missing his PTMs, his
soccer classes. I want to be the mom who picks him from school, watches him
play soccer, helps him do his homework. But, I am not that mom. I feel guilty,
when I ask for a day off. Hell, I feel guilty on a Sunday! So, I am that mom,
who works hard for her child, who knows that she deserves to be happy and so
will keep her family happy. I am that mom, who believes her son values what his
parents do for him, learns to be kind hearted and loving.
I am a woman. Being a daughter, wife, mom etc are the various
roles I play. They don’t define the person that I am. I am a woman, a mess
sometimes. My hormones rule me most of the time. I will shower love on you if
you deserve and cut you off and cast you aside if you don’t. I can be the
gentlest, holding you in my arms, taking your troubles away and I will beat some sense into you, if you try to give me trouble. (The times I have
done that!!) I would turn into a puddle of tears if you break my heart and I
could be the ruthless shark in a boardroom. I am the fairer and the stronger sex.
So, tell your daughters this. Don’t tell them that they can
have it all. Because they can’t. Tell them, that there is no right or wrong
choice. The choice should be what makes them happy. We are made to be the nurturer
but we are also the ones who are made of steel and can don any hat and carry
our roles with aplomb!